One degree of change

Years and years ago I had it my head that I wanted to sail a passage…
Not that I could sail, but I was determined not to let that get in my way… Anyhow, long story short I ended up being ‘the crew’ on a 39 foot yacht and sailed from Tonga to Fiji.
I’ll always remember those endless night watches, staring at the amazing starlit sky and the dark ocean, fighting off sleep… Being more exhausted than I ever was… Watching for ships or drifting containers and making sure we stayed on course.
I aways remembered the “just one degree - rule”: “When you set out from a harbour and you change course by just one degree it is barely noticeable at first. But in the long run it makes a HUGE difference of where you end up…” One night I woke up the skipper because I noticed some strange lights… Needless to say it was the shoreline and clearly not were we wanted to be. Even though according to the compass I kept us spot on, Iad not factored in the ocean currents. Sigh.

The one degree rule is true for any change and also for bad habits. If you change by just one degree, it’ll make a huge difference to where you end up. Change habits by one degree. For example: I help a lot of people lose weight or quit smoking. People don’t need to be Non Smokers by the time they leave my office. They can reduce, regard that as a success, then reduce again give oneself credit and reduce again and before they know it, they’ve done it… Same with weight loss. It doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be sustainable! No perfect diets… Just fix one meal… Or get rid of dead carbs or…. Just one degree at a time. And next week another degree, and the week after another degree…

Learning something new is the same thing. It is so easy to get overwhelmed because there is so much to learn. And then people want to learn it all at the same time. But what ends up happening is that they stall. So they end up not doing anything. Not moving forward at all. A lot of my Supervisees do that, they stall. Because there is so much to learn: all the different language patterns, the questions, picking up on all the different subconscious patterns, just to mention a very few… And I get it, they love it and they just want to be good at it. So my recommendation always is: Pick one category. And then out of that pick one subcategory and out of that: pick one thing and focus on that for a week. Next week pick a new one… Before you know it, you’ll be outstanding at 52 different things that are all part of the whole… Follow this and you will get pretty good, pretty quickly.

There is always more to learn

It is what you learn after you know it all, that counts - Coach John Wooden

I remember that crystal clear sunny morning, about 10 years ago, as if it was yesterday. I hopped on my Vespa to attend my first ever Master course in Hypnosis and NLP. I was so excited because 'I knew' over the next days and weeks I was finally going to get the keys, the last missing pieces of the puzzle, and then I'd be ready.
Funny enough I never asked myself what I'd be ready for... Or what ready meant...

There were some new and some familiar faces amongst the intentionally small group. The room was buzzing with a cocktail of ten mental states, ranging from 'almost well hidden slightly terrified' to 'slightly over the top excited'. 

Without any introduction we were told a story:  
A few weeks after the young apprentice received his certificate he started pestering his Master to start his own Master training. "You're not ready yet, go back to work"
Over the following months the former apprentice applied himself to his work, observed and learned. The next year he asked his Master again, only to receive the same response: "You're not ready yet, go back to work" 
Again the former apprentice did as he was told and a year later he realised how much he yet again had learned. He had learned so much and now he knew he was ready. Surely the Master would now agree to start his training! 
This time he received a different answer: "You're not ready. Take your tools, travel, go and offer your services to the world." 

Begrudgingly the former apprentice did as he was told. He travelled. He met people. He used his tools and trade in unforeseen circumstances and often he didn't have what he needed so he improvised. When got stuck he though of his old master and wondered "what would the Master do now...?" Often he found an answer that way and sometimes it even worked. When it didn't, he asked the question again and did it in a different way.

After many years on the road he returned to his village to celebrate his sister wedding.
There he apologised to his old Master: "I am sorry for all the times I asked you to start making me a Master, for pestering you and thinking I knew it all. I now know that I have so much more to learn, there will always be more to learn for me and I don't think I will ever be ready to become a true Master"
The Master smiled and said: "That's right. True Mastery is knowing that there is always more to learn. Welcome to the start of your Mastery training."

Struggle & Progress

If there is no struggle, there is no progress. - Frederick Douglass

Mr Douglas, I disagree. It may have very much seemed so in the specific situation and in the times your quote comes from. But is it far to take it out of context and make it a universal truth? 

Action, yes action is needed for progress. But struggle...?
See struggle is a subjective label, isn't it? 

Have you ever met two people who go through a similar experience and one is upbeat, radiant and has a zest for life despite all that and the other one (who might objectively even be in the better position) is morose, desperate and glum? 

An athlete training for a dream... A mother... An Executive dashing in and out of meetings and planes... A landscape gardener... A fisherman... A surgeon in theatre for 9 hours straight... 
They all seem to have very different ideas what they consider routine, fun or a struggle... 

Occasionally things that used to be fun and exciting have turned into a struggle. Beware... Pay attention... 

The secret lies in the state of mind, the perception, the beliefs, values and in the resources the person can bring to the situation. 

How you perceive taking action, the breakthroughs and set backs is up to you. Let it be easy or let it be hard. That is just a state of mind and states of mind can change. Easily.
In actual fact easier and faster than you may have thought or given yourself credit for.

Sometimes you can even change your mind yourself. And if not, then it might just be a signal to let you know it's time to ask for assistance, so you can move forward with ease again. 

Forgiveness

Recently I have seen many clients who had a very hard time letting go of things from the past. They could remember every single negative detail and ever injustice they ever experienced. Words along the lines of "I never forget" and "I never forgive" or "I tried but I just couldn't do it" where said... 

When someone hasn't truly forgiven there is so much energy and emotion attached to it... It's just exhausting. How bad do you have to feel for you to know the other person has been adequately punished through your feeling bad...???? 

It just doesn't work that way, does it? But still people try and try and try in vain.... 
You have a different option! Once you have truly forgiven you're actually free from it. No, you will not do a happy dance with the person you have forgiven... Because it has nothing to to with the other person! 
Some people believe that when they forgive that would result in almost agreeing with what the other person did... But that's not the case at all. When you forgive, you're the one who becomes free. It has nothing at all to do with the other person! 
You forgive not because they deserve your forgiveness. You forgive because you deserve peace and because you deserve to be from it and from them...

And yes, true forgiveness is a lot easier than you may have thought. Let me show you how to do that for yourself.