How do you change someone? Or how do you make someone else happy?

Or “How do you help someone who is unhappy…?”or “How do you convince someone that they need to be grateful for X…”

Well, here is the thing. You don’t. You can’t and you won’t. Not even with hypnotherapy.

Like the mum saying: “Oh, you’re a hypnotherapist… I want you to stop my 16 year old daughter from smoking.” To which my answer always is: “does she really want to…?” Of course not. Great so let’s not waste any time on the subject…

Back to happiness.

Happiness is something that you do on the inside. It is something that everyone does on their inside. 

With regards to friendships and partners I highly recommend working out how to make yourself happy first. Once you got that bit sorted, then fo and find someone who also has worked out how to make themselves happy. Bingo… 

Failing that option: Start with yourself. Always.

Because if they don’t want to set it out… You got nowhere to go.

The person might even be getting something out of having the problem. They might feel cared for, loved or like they matter when you fuss over them… Or it might seem that it’s easier to stay the same than to change.

In case you haven’t guessed it already: You can’t change other people! 

It is impossible. Unless they want to!

You can lead a human to knowledge but you can’t make them think… 

Unless that person realises that they have a problem and they are willing to do what it takes to change, there really is not much you can do. Most likely the more you push, the more they close off. 

Which is why it is totally useless when people come to see me solely because they have been sent by someone. Or they come in so they get the nagging person off their back.
Unconsciously it’s like: “See, I tried and it didn’t work, will you leave me alone now…?” (It’s not what they’re thinking consciously!)

Even the best hypnotist on the planet will never get anyone to do anything that they don’t intrinsically want… Sorry, no magic here.

Once the person gets to the stage where the real pain of staying the same far outweighs the perceived pain of making a change… Then we got somewhere to go… Before that. No.

Yes, you can help them get there when you know the questions to ask. When you know what to do and more importantly what not to do. (I can help you with that…)

In conclusion: All you can do is get on with your life and your happiness… Make yourself happy! Sort out all the stuff that takes away from your happiness. Sort it out enough so you don’t feel that it’s your responsibility. Sort it out enough so you can be happy and calm within yourself even around unhappy people.
That should be enough to keep you busy for a while… ;-)

So what makes you happy…? How much happiness will you create for yourself this week? 

Sunflowers are such happy flowers…

Sunflowers are such happy flowers…